Spireites

Chesterfield is a lovely little town in the north of Derbyshire. One of it's most famous landmarks is the "Crooked Spire" of St Mary's Church in the centre of the town. There are legends associated with this impressive structure, but the most made-up and apocryphal of them all, is that it will straighten again as soon as the local football team score 6 goals away from home.
The Dulux Dog Tin Pot Cup is a competition which allows rubbish football teams to play at Wembley. As such, Chesterfield and Burton competed last night in the first round of this, unlike the spire, pointless event.
Hardly any of the Burton fans bothered to turn-up to the non-event, though clearly there is little to do in Chesterfield apart from looking at the sky, so quite a few of those made the journey, clad in their 1980's hairstyles and N.C.B donkey jackets.
Unfortunately Burton Albion also failed to turn-up. A gutless and shambolic display of disorganised, pedestrian defending helped The Spireites to tear us apart for 90 minutes. A second -half goal from "Ooh Arr" John McGrath might have given some impetous to push on, but even that didn't inspire the pathetic bunch of losers who are not fit to wear a yellow shirt unless it is the yellow shirt of cowardice.
In the end, we were thrashed 5 - 1. I'm sure another one went over the line, but the unfit assistant referee had about as much luck keeping up with Chesterfield's forward line as our back four.
It's his fault that the spire stays crooked. And Burton can "concentrate on the league". Rubbish.

Burton 3 Cobblers 2

I didn't see all of the film "Goal" on Bank Holiday Monday, but I did manage to catch the predictable ending where the "hero" scores the winning goal and his girlfriend (played by the utterly convincing Anna Friel) in the crowd cries and all of his team mates take back what they said about him being a useless donkey in training. I still cried, which surprised me. Suspension of disbelief may be necessary in fiction but having Newcastle United actually winning something tested it somewhat. You could tell Alan Shearer was acting though as he didn't actually elbow anybody in the face.
On Saturday, Northampton Town left -back, Billy McKay DID elbow "Ronnie" Corbett in the face. Twice. The ref didn't see it. Twice. But as one wag on the terrace at the Rubberdome commented after the match. "What do you call a Brewers player with two black eyes? Nothing, You've already told him twice."
Perhaps McKay was a little annoyed at his team going 3 goals down to a rampant Burton Albion side within the first 12 minutes of the game. I was only 2 bites into my pre-match pie when Shaun Harrad chased down a loose back-pass to the Cobblers goalkeeper, took it off his toes and neatly slotted into an empty net. One nil.
Minutes later Michael "Simmo" Simpson drilled a hopeful ball into the box which deflected off Greg Pearson's chest and past a hapless Chris Dunn to make it two nil.
I'm still searching for a trace of steak dna in my pie when Jimmy Phillips goes past 3 players, finds Simmo in space with a pinpoint accurate cross and the ball is smashed home. Three nil. 12 minutes gone. And that was that.
Except Northampton were looking for a Hollywood ending of their own and, the wind at their backs, pulled 2 back in the second half after an aerial bombardment and a questionable penalty. Burton held out to claim the three points and move back up to 8th in the table.
Next week we visit moneybags Notts County to enjoy the company of Sol Campbell & Sven Goran Ericson for the afternoon. I wonder what the 'pies are like?

Lincoln 0 Burton 2

Lincolnshire is very flat. Pretty but flat. Driving to Lincoln always fills me with dread. It feels like it's the worst place in the world to drive to. I don't know why. I went on the train once with my mate AJ (on a beer tour) and the train stopped at every farm from Nottingham to Lincoln. It was a pain in the ass.

We take the Scenic and we are there before we know it. Jo notices the cathedral on the hill but I gently remind her that we are here for the football - no time for any sightseeing or frivolous behaviour. This is serious.

So as soon as we are parked we head for the Golden Eagle on the High Street for a couple of serious pints of beer and serious cheese roll. And some serious banter with some of my serious football mates. Football is hardly mentioned but there is some serious mickey-taking and general all-round serious nonsense being spraffed and laughed. Jo sighs.

Not been to Sincil Bank before and it's one of those old grounds with new bits built on it and is comfy enough. The sun is shining, the Burton Boys are in good voice and Jo is feeling optimistic.

I speak with Burton manager Paul Peschisolido on the phone:

"Paul, it's Mark"

"Hi, awesome dude!"

"We need a little more strength in midfield to support the back four"

"Yeah, right, I'm with that, absolutely"

"So I suggest dropping Maghoma and bringing in Simpson to partner McGrath in the middle"

"Yeah, like absolutely, I read that in your blog"

"Cheers Paul. Love to Karen and the kids"

It works like a dream, with the additional change of Tony James at centre back, and "Ronnie" Corbett pushed up the right, the Brewers look solid and dependable. As soon as they settle and get the ball to feet it's looking very rosy indeed. Pearson and Harrad up front are on fire.

We take a one nil lead in the first half through a Ryan Austin header and the Lincoln players leave the pitch at half time to boos from the home crowd. Second half is all about hanging-on while they throw everything at us but Guy "The Beast" Branston is not letting anything get past and Artur Krysiek in goal is quietly confident.

On 94 mins the Lincoln fans are starting to filter out ("We can see you sneaking out") when Russell Penn's volley from outside the box majestically loops into the top corner and the trickle of red and white turns into a mass exodus.

Lincoln fans are apoplectic with rage at being beated by "an average leage 2 side". An average Laegue 2 side? I'll take that as a compliment - it's well above my expectations for this season! Up to 10th in the table and Northampton are next up at the Rubberdome.

Burton 0 Torquay 2

The last time we lost to Torquay we won this trophy!

A workman-like performance from Torquay ensured they came away from the "Rubberdome" with all three points against a Burton side who huffed and puffed but were ultimately left pig-sick.

Torquay, promoted from non-league last season via the play-offs and the venue for Burton famously lifting the Conference Champions Trophy back in April, have a habit of churning-out wins against us and tonight was no exception.
Burton fielded an unchanged side and Congolese International Jacques Maghoma ("What's that coming over the hill, is it Maghoma? Is it Maghoma?") was influential in midfield, tricksy and tenacious, he created chances early on for Greg Pearson and Shaun Harrad, but the final product was sadly lacking.
Torquay were certainly made of sterner stuff than Morecambe and pressed hard to take a two-goal lead in the first half; both in the scramble after set pieces where Burton cleared the first and second ball (How many balls are there?), but fell asleep for the subsequent hopeful punts towards Artur Krusiek's goal.
Second half, Torquay put 11 men and the tea-lady behind the ball, cleared everything we could throw at them into row Z and even the star quality of Jimmy Phillips ("Jimmy, Jimmy, Oh Jimmy P, score a goal for me!" ) couldn't get behind the defence and we finished with 5 up front, all hopelessly hitting long efforts at goal.
Jimmy P takes on the Torquay defence.
Once again, Peschisolido ("Peski-Soh-Lee-Doh!") doesn't appear to understand the concept of defending from midfield and whilst having so many attack-minded players on the pitch can make for an exciting game, we were always likely to get undone by not defending "the hole".
Most of 2,670 went away disappointed but not heart-broken. Away at Lincoln on Saturday. Ah the heady heights of "proper" football.

Burton 5 Morecambe 2

"Morecambe Welcomes Burton Albion To The Football League" was the banner displayed by Morecambe fans before the match, but they perhaps wished that their defence had not been so charitable. Burton were ruthless in attack but left a gaping hole in front of the back four which Morecambe exploited well, scoring twice and hitting the woodwork the same number of times.
Greg Pearson celebrates his first goal
Perhaps a little unlucky to come away without a point, but Burton striker Greg Pearson pulled them apart time and time again, proving that he's not just a non-league star.
The referee was excellent throughout keeping control of a generally good natured match without showing a yellow card, but Morecambe's Duffy lost his head with a two-footed studs-up challenge on Paul Boertian in the closing stages earning himself a straight red in the process.
Sammy McIlroy said of his team, "We made Burton look like Barcelona."
Ole!

Reading 5 Burton 1 (League Cup 1st Round)

3 goals in the first 9 minutes of the game ended it as a contest almost before it had begun. Reading were magnificent first half and Burton's defending was woeful. Second half, we started to match them and the introduction of ex-Stoke City winger Jimmy Phillips (who is surely destined to play in a higher division than league 2) introduced some stability to the team; his sublime finish from a tight angle after beating his man and cutting-in from the left wing gave us some cause for optimism.
We just have to hope that we don't come up against teams of this quality in League 2.
700 ish Brewers fans were vociferous and good humoured throughout, earning some deserved respect from the Reading fans I spoke to.
M40 shut so not home until 1am!

Shrewsbury 3 Burton 1

The Brewers lost 3 - 1 in their first ever League fixture against Shrewsbury Town. Burton played some good "pass & move" attacking football and were the better team for much of the game. Two howling errors by Burton keeper Shane Redmond gifted two goals to Salop and naive defending left an open goal for their third. Burton certainly deserved a point and on the showing today, not much to worry about at this stage. 1,043 away fans in a 6000+ crowd is not a bad following either.

Pre-match entertainment was to be found at "The Salopian", an excellent little pub next to the River in the centre of town and a short walk from the bus station where we caught the bus to the "Prostar Stadium", parking near the ground being something of a nightmare apparently.